I was very young when I fell pregnant and “had to” marry my first husband. It soon became evident to me that he was mentally abusive and on a few occasions physically abusive too. He persuaded me that we needed to leave my country of birth to move to South Africa where I had no family and now had two children under the age of 2. I won’t go into detail but I endured a few years of hell before someone who witnessed his behaviour said to me “If you don’t leave, he will kill your children and you”. It was like a bolt of lightening had hit me and for the very first time, it occurred to me that I could leave him and I did.
Sadly, I didn’t have the emotional maturity or support to know how to move on and over the years I became bitter, resentful and angry at him for “ruining my life”. I couldn’t say anything positive about him and despite my efforts to never say anything bad about him in front of our boys, the boys have told me since that they were very aware of my hatred towards him. I carried it for years and it raged within me.
Some years later when I was still single, lonely, lacking in confidence and self esteem, a therapist suggested I forgive him. I was furious with her. How could anyone who had done so much damage deserve to be forgiven and I certainly wasn’t going to forget! Slowly, with her help, I learnt that I could forgive him within myself without him ever being aware of it and that by doing so, I could free myself to be happy again. It doesn’t change the fact that what he did was wrong – it simply means I’m choosing not to let it continue ruining my life.
If you struggle with your weight and there is something or someone you haven’t forgiven, the chances are that you will resort to comforting food whenever those emotions bubble up. And they will! Decide who or what it is that you need to forgive, simply do a little ceremony by writing it on a piece of paper and burning it or get some help if you need it. As you forgive, the feeling of relief is huge! It’s wonderful to let go of all the anger and let your mind and body fill with hope and love instead. And you will find you no longer need to resort to food to ease the pain.